Electronic Christmas Letter

I thought it might be useful to some of you to have a family update as it seems that we are in a period of changes for us all.

We are looking forward to two more grandchildren in 2010 which is great.Miriam and Besi are expecting their first at the beginning of March and Peter and Ruth in the middle of April. Both are doing well and we have seen the scans -the blessings of technology!

I am currently off work, stepping back at the beginning of November when Dave was taken into hospital with pneumonia. I am grateful to have such a supportive and understanding set-up and am assured that my job will be waiting for my return when appropriate.

So our time here together at present proceeds at a sedate rate. The 'lull before the storm'. By that I mean that on December 19 we have a late night arrival of Ruth,Maki and Amelia as well as Steve ,who is chauffeuring from Gatwick with a friend from church ( because of their extra luggage). Then Dave's Mum is flying down from Edinburgh for a week. Peter and Ruth complete the party on 23/24th. So we will certainly have our home full.

Mim and Besi have commitments at home in Sukth so will not be able to complete the family, but we had a fortnight's visit from Miriam in November. Over the last few months they have been building their flat as an extension over Besi's parent's house - turning what was a single storey home into 2 storeys with the possibility of further accommodation in the roof space if needed in the future. They have been living out of boxes and suitcases since moving out of their Durres flat in the summer so are itching to be able to move upstairs and unpack and create their home in time for Mim to leave to come to England for the birth of the baby. Besi will follow arriving in time for the birth, we all hope. Besi works as the pastor of the small church in Sukth. Next year they are intending to build a church in the village so their own house was just a practice run for the larger project !!Besi also is employed by 'Mission without Borders', distributing aid and caring for a number of local families. Miriam has been teaching English in the village. The demand for these classes has grown and comes to a grand finale this Saturday with a carol Concert. This will mark the end to classes until she feels ready to take them on again post baby.

Ruth and Maki and Amelia are arriving next w/e for a prolonged stay for Maki to take up further studies at Bristol Baptist College (2-3yrs). They had already made the decision to come before we knew of Dave's illness so we are very grateful to God for the timing of their being here. They will stay with us initially then have use of a flat nearby for 6 months.They intend either or both getting jobs until college begins in September.

Stephen has been living and working in Worthing for the last 18 months. He has been involved in making simplified English programmes which are broadcast worldwide to suport the learning of English. He had begun to think about moving on when the new CEO of FEBA - his mission organization retuned the focus of the mission and made the decision to pull their involvement with the programme. So Steve's work with FEBA comes to an end at Christmas. As yet there is nothing on the horizon. Steve feels settled in Worthing especially in the church there and is loathe to uproot yet again. For January he will freelance for the American partners who are continuing with the progamme. This has the added advantage of being able to come to Bristol to work while 'chilling' with the family. However it would be good for a new job to be settled before long.

Peter and Ruth continue in the same house, same job, and same church (Peter now a deaacon) in North Baddesley Southampton. It's good that somebody in the family is consistent! They are very much looking forward to the birth of their baby in mid April. Peter works for an IT consultancy. At the beginning of the year they were affected by the recession but as the year wore on business seems to have improved and Peter also has some ideas of further possible developments. Ruth usually fills her days with many and varied studies and voluntary work. She has had to lay some of these aside as the pregnancy drained much of her energy - this is improving now.

So many changes. So many unknowns.

So much to thank God for.

Am I brave?

Saw our consultant oncologist on Wednesday, where she repeated her offer of extra aggressive treatment, high on side effects, but probably low on benefits. She backed our decision to decline. As I said to her, the prospect of heaven was more appealing than even one of my more agreeable days here on planet earth.Her comment, 'You're very brave'.

Am I? I don't think so.Bravery would be making such a decision without knowing one's destination. For the Christian, my status for the last 46 years, Heaven is the reality that Jesus spoke of "There is plenty of room for you in my Father's home. If that weren't so, would I have told you that I'm on my way to get a room ready for you?"

As St Paul said elsewhere 'If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. The Christian life is an exchange. I surrender control of my life to Jesus and in return receive His eternal life...that speaks of quality of life down here and continuance of life in the here after. So death is but a station on the time-space continuum.

My attitude to death is not the product of positive thinking, or the outworking of 'que sera, sera'. It is deeply rooted in the certainty and hope that comes through knowing Jesus as friend and Lord.

The important message in all of this...DO NOT ENTER THE BOX UNLESS YOUR EXIT IS CLEAR

Views into the next valley

An eventful few days, but we got back from hospital last night, armed with a bag of drugs. One of which was dexamethosol, the wonder steroid that got me back from Albania a month ago. And when I awoke at midnight I could already feel its effects - similar to a caffeine rush, hence my waking dream of running a cross-country race through marshy ground - 24 hours previously could only have dreamt of lying on marshy ground and slowly sinking.

Humanly speaking, our news is as bad as it could be. The cancer has returned quite aggressively, has spread to an adrenal gland as well as enlarging in existing sites - hence my weariness over recent months. There is further treatment possible, but with significant side effects, and potential of septicaemia, and hence earlier death. We have left the decision until a further consultation in two weeks time - agreed Tuesday with consultant that my body in no fit state to take extra punishment at present. The debilitating effects of the pneumonia would last two more weeks in a healthy person. Her prognisis is six months maximum, but clearly she has no way of gauging how fast the cancer will progress.

But we want you to hear this in the same context that we did. The only bed space in the hospital on Friday night was in the new Bristol Heart Institute, despite me being in a medical patient category. Ward 53, large with four beds only, mine against the 20' plate glass window looking out onto autumn coloured embankment and trees. Oh the grace of God.

Sunday a.m. I heard my neighbour (82 yr old heart patient) humming the baseline to the Remembrance Day hymns. I enquired of him if he had been part of a church choir, but he was not to be drawn. Later spotted a leather bound, yapp edged, gold leaf book by his bedside. Monday he was reading it, and I enquired if he was reading the "Good Book". Yes, he said, did I know it? I told him I'd read it cover to cover, something he could not claim, though he probably had, just not consecutively. Told me he was reading from the first book of Dr Luke (AV - did not get on with these modern versions). His visitor that day, clad in headscarf, pointed to 'exclusive brethren' beliefs - but one of His saints.

Monday night, some time after my sleeping pill had knocked me out a new (heart)patient took the other window bed opposite. Tuesday am we got chatting, and quickly established that he lived close to my place of work, and knew one of the ladies in my office since thay both attended the same church. Later that day, the new patient left to go home - he'd been moved up for the night from a ward two floors below. Another of the saints that surround us day by day.

(E-mail me on for more details of our conversations, or any other chat.)

So our sense of being in God's hands continues. Miriam is flying home this week-end for two weeks stay. It'll be good to be able to greet her upright loaded with steroids!!, rather than the horizontal view I presented when we visited her last month.

No Fireworks???

Dave may not have had fireworks on his birthday (Nov 5 ) but the next day made up for it.
He began the day compaining of a backache which we put down to him lying awkwardly then at about 1 o'clock this suddenly escalated to excruciating pain and a 999 call.
The emergency services were great as was the hospital care (and the morphine! was good too).
This was later diagnosed as pneumonia and with strong antibiotics Dave is recovering well and should hopefully be discharged Wednesday.
We see the oncology specialist on Tuesday so will blog again when we have more to share.
Psalm 23 v4 Even when we walk through the dark valley of death ,we will not be afraid ,for you are close beside us. Emmanuel.

No fireworks

Sorry to those of you who rely on these pages for progress reports. Maybe that's the whole thing - we see little progress, and my daily energy levels mean little time at the PC. So there's nothing actually to report today, other than a guilt complex!!

We rounded off Albania with a tummy bug on the day of our return flight which merely doubled my sense of exhaustion - Maki called out the doctor, and I discovered the wonderful effect of intravenous steroids - put me on an energy high for the next 36 hours. Am told such is not approved NHS procedure, but was thankful for it at the time - the Albania leg proved something of a physical endurance test at times, great as it was to see the girls, and to see Amelia progress from one step to eleven!!

Elaine had been signed off with stress just prior to our departure, but returned to work two weeks after our return. We see the consultant next week for the results of my first quarterly scan - a "no change" report will reassure her that this tiredness is just normal post-chemo reaction, and not the return of cancer symptoms.

So we live from day to day, enjoying those days when energy enables the occasional outing, and visits from friends that bring colour to day-to-day living. Will post again (promise) once seen consultant. Light a firework (or 58) for me on Thursday!! Dave

Postcard from Albania

Writing from hot and sunny Albania. We are having a very lazy time. Dave has not found renewed energy as we had hoped but we are glad to be able to see both the girls and their families. We had a slow start last week as Mim had a tummy bug for 3 days which was a bit worrying but she and baby are all ok now.


We have been staying with Ruth and Maki this week but tomorrow we intend going out to Sukth to stay with Mim and Besi and family. It is exciting to see the house progressing and the roof tiles are due to go on this week. The internal walls are now all plastered - soon it will be wall and floor tile choosing time very exciting!

Besi spends his time on the roof working full tilt before a possible change in the weather. as well as this he has to fit in buying materials, preaching and pastoral work and delivering stuff for 'Mission without borders"


Ruth and Maki have also had the builders in and painters with great improvements. All must be sorted before they leave in December. Amelia entertains and is delightful -very vocal in her own language. She looks on the brink of taking her first unaided steps - will she perform this feat before Granny and Grandad leave ?

Think that's all the news for now will write more fully when we return to UK.

...who only stand and wait

It's now the 3rd week since our relaxing time in Austria, and two weeks to our next trip to Albania. Sorry for lack of updates - I've found tiredness reluctant to relax its grip, and sit now at the computer knowing that before an hour is up, my body and mind will be craving the horizontal.

To catch up - the heavy rain forecast for Grossglockner did not materialise, and the first hour of that day glorious sunshine and high snow covered peaks as the coach wound its way up many hairpins to 2500 metres. Crossing the col into the next valley took us into cloud, and later some light rain. The visitor centre overlooking the cloud shrouded peaks did not appeal, so we took the funicular (250') and path (250') down to the Pasterze glacier below, every 50 vertical feet of the path marking 10 years retreat of the glacier. The tour guide had warned everyone against the glacier trip (you might break you leg!), but then I was the only one on the coach with mountain poles as both crutches and reminders of former exploits. The following day we walked for 40 minutes by the Achensee in glorious sunshine, and the day after visited a major waterfall.

The last two days we gently explored the centres of Salzburg and Munich. A holiday marked by God's favour especially re the weather, and sufficient strength to make each day worthwhile, although some of the early starts (8.30) I did find taxing. And we were able to smooth the stress of air travel by ordering a wheelchair at the airports - not only avoided standing for long periods, but gave (unwarranted) priority through customs etc. Though one did feel a little Matt Lucas like getting out of the wheelchair to walk through the metal scanner!

And so to the present, where we find ourselves a little wearied over the last few days. No dramas or crises, just a sapping of emotional strength. I guess its like the airport queues - I can cope at the airport provided I am walking with a stick - its the standing still that takes it out of me. And maybe that's how these last few weeks have felt - standing still - where we had expected to be making ground.

Paul speaks of the putting on the whole armour of God, "so that you may be able to stand". As that passage says in conclusion, "with this in mind keep on praying..." We thank you.

Mountain top experience

Spent this Sunday afternoon ín summit sunshine at over 6,000ft - courtesy of cable car whose top station at exactly 2,000 mtrs. The posters around town spoke of a free Johann Strauss concert there at 15:30, but while we could see the bandstand, and 200 seats arranged on the hillside, the band and the audience failed to show up - so we did 3/4 of the Telegraph crossword instead.

Stunning views down to the lake below, and clouds changing the whole time revealing and shrouding distant summits, including the 3,750 mtr Grossglockner where the coach takes us tomorrow - heavy rain forecast!!

But showers was today's forecast, and while we had a few spits on the top, blessed that the nightime thunderstorms that ended yesterday's sunny day of coach travel, and lakeside evening walk did not revisit.

This morning we walked straight from the breakfast table - a struggle given the copious quantities consumed to the 10am service at the town's "Evangelical Church". Proceedings entirely in German, which featured on neither of our school timetables, but the last two hymns included an English translation in the hymnbook so we could enter in there. The first clearly said 'Jamaican folk tune', but we first sang the 3 verses in the style to which the organist was accustomed, before the preacher stood up and sang out at twice the speed and with a little rhythm. 80% of the congregation appeared to be visitors, and 50% of them Dutch. But good to have time for quiet reflection and prayer.

A good day, or to be more accurate, a God day. Auf weidersein.

A Good Report

Tuesday afternoon saw us back at Bristol Oncology Centre. A familiar spot during chemotherapy but this was to receive the latest news of the scan Dave had had 2 weeks ago.
The consultant's first words were that this was a good report and went on to say that it was the best we could hope for at this stage. There was still talk of the next line of treatment -'when it grows back', but step by step, and this felt like a huge leap for which we are truly grateful.
We had both thought that Dave would be further down the road of recovery by now so this was a timely encouragement.
We are off to Austria tomorrow (leaving Bristol tonight). I ( Elaine) for one am needing the break though I have to say that the stress of packing makes me doubt whether it is worth while!? But I am sure that to be out in mountains and great scenery will greatly restore Dave's body and soul - mountains reach parts of Dave that nothing else can!
Will hopefully give a fuller up date on our return but felt we should share our good news with you.

Pole, pole

If you saw me with my walking pole on a 1mph walk to church yesterday, you may think the above refers to the two walking poles that travel in the car with us to give me help with balance. The chemo side effects of drained energy and numbed feet mean the above are helpful on the streets of Bishopston, as much as the mountains of Austria that we will visit in 3 weeks time.

But my title was actually suggested by Elaine this morning from the Swahili phrase (slowly,slowly) that was part of the mantra as a team of us climbed Kilimanjaro ten years ago. The phrase is not only descriptive (per above), but from Elaine's point of view prescriptive - she regarded even the walk to church as a step too far!! - from my perspective I feel the need to make at least some effort towards rehabilitation.

There is a definite psychological shift from the last seven months where medical appointments and treatments have prescribed our path (like the snow poles referred to Jan 20), to a season for listening to my own body, and particularly listening to the Spirit for the shape of days and weeks to come. We have a week in Austria booked in August, and two weeks in Albania in September - and presumably somewhere in it all strength will return to body and mind to enable a return to work.

So we are back to those words I wrote on the very first blog - You are with me, your rod and your staff (two more poles!!) they comfort me. (Psalm 23 v4). Pray that we may we rehab well under his correction and protection.

A God story

Was speaking on Skype this am with Miriam, when she said her computer monitor had gone on the blink - lighting up briefly and then going black. I loggged onto Tradeit, the local sales website, typed in monitor, and found one posted last night for sale at £30!! So after chemo, drove to Sth Bristol, and are now in possession of 17" LCD computer monitor including TV tuner!! Amen Lord, Your timing is perfect, and I agree with your idea of a bargain.

Chemo went well today, helped by the extra two week break, but tiredness creeping in this evg- but off to eldership for the first time for a few weeks.

Surprise! Surprise!

That's what we got when we opened the front door on Saturday! We were expecting Ian and Gill (Dave's twin brother and wife) instead I found Amelia (our 8 month old grand-daughter ) in a baby car seat. I was silenced (for once) as I tried to process how she could possibly have arrived.
Steve had been out to Albania on holiday and flew back last Friday and Ruth had taken the opportunity to travel with him. This is a sacrifice for them as this is a manically busy time for them with the children's activities in Durres in full swing-which was another factor whizzing through my brain as I opened the door -There was no way that they could visit now! So Maki has been abandoned in Albania while we enjoy the company of his wife and daughter .

This also is another illustration of 'all things working together for good'. Last week we had been disappointed not to have completed the course of chemo but had Dave had his planned treatment he would undoubtedly be horizontal for the entire visit and feel cheated not to be in a state to enjoy it. A reminder, yet again, that we need to trust the One who can see the end from the beginning.

Dave is gradually gaining strength and we hope will reach the blood targets needed for the last chemo next Tues.(Ruth and Amelia return the following Friday).

During the last 6 months Dave has experienced phases of food cravings- sausage rolls, cheese biscuits, scotch eggs, omelettes - the latest is lemon meringue pie. I have joked that he must be pregnant. Please continue to pray with us that this waiting time will indeed produce new life.

Thank you for all your prayers, we do experience the benefit from being buoyed up by them.

Countdown on Pause

Today we were expecting to be the last chemo. Dave has been blessed at going through the 12 treatments with no hiccups until today. We arrived to find that yesterdays blood test was too low on the white cells to go ahead .This was a bit of an anti climax so we took a trip to the Chew Valley Lake in brilliant sunshine and had a gentle walk followed by lunch.
Although it was initially disappointing not to have completed the course it does mean that Dave now has the potential for 2 fairly recuperative weeks.The later chemos have not really allowed Dave to come up for air before being slugged again.
The title of the blog is also reference to the surprise disc the kids had obtained for Dave (for Father's Day) from Yorkshire TV of 2 Countdown episodes in which he took part in 1982/3. A spritely 31 year old - no grey hair! Very novel viewing - thanks guys. Elaine
And on reviewing, I managed to improve my score on two rounds, so some brain cells must still be working!? Dave

Kili 10 Chemo 11

This is a first as this is Elaine writing.
Today was the eleventh chemo -only one more after today! Again we thank God for Dave being fit enough and his blood up to taking todays treatment. However Dave returned tired and a bit queasy so resting tonight.
This week-end was the tenth anniversary of the Saltmine sponsored climb of Kimanjaro which Dave took part in. It was agreed that the reunion would take place on the summit of Y Garn in Snowdonia at 1pm on the 6 June. To reach the summit was not going to be possible but we did make the Llyn about a mile up the track! The weather promptly closed in and we were glad to get down and back to our b and b to change and dry.
It was good to meet up with other team members and the success of the w/e was marked by talk of meeting again next year.
Sunday saw us in a Baptist church in Bangor only to see a familiar name from our distant student days -Peter Cousins as minister.
Then our reunion week end was completed by a slight detour to Liverpool to meet up with Nic and Jen Harding. The years slip away and it was great to renew friendship.
So a busy time and now back to quieter times.
We covet your prayers to finish the course of chemo well. As time has gone by it has become progressively more difficult with Dave fairly blotto most of the time but we are thankful for the absence of many of the possible chemo side effects.
Please do keep in touch with added comments.Thank you all -we need you.

Brief Note

Round 10 began yesterday, and the thought of just two to go after this is encouraging. Elaine is at work today, and at 3.30pm I'm typing this on the way to my morning shower and shave!!

Blessed to receive two phone calls today, from one friend coming Friday to tackle our garden hedge, and another coming Saturday to finish off the shower that Besmir got to 90% in March, but has remained untouched ever since. I not only lack the physical energy to do such things, even the mental energy to think about them is hard to come by.

Besi is not praying for showers at the moment, as he has taken the roof off his parents house in order to lay a slab for a second storey. I'm concerned that on the BBC weather report today Albania appeared to have precipitation due for Thursday, following days of hot dry weather. Pray that such will bypass them. Bye for now

Round 9

5 hours at the hospital today, now back home. Time I did a brief update - Elaine is mowing the lawn - another of my roles that she has had to inherit. Since last writing, have spent one week-end in a caravan on the Gower, and a week-end in Worthing with Stephen. Strange to be on the Gower but only manage 300 yards of walking in four days - most of the time I spent horizontal, but with wonderful views over Oxwich Bay. Elaine did a two hour headland walk one day, but otherwise we just enjoyed the rest, and change of four walls. (Not forgetting the snooker)

Good to spend a couple of days with Steve in Worthing, and meet the NFI church of which he is part. My tiredness still a limiting factor even at the end of week two of the cycle, but I did do some of the driving - I'm not a good passenger although it has become increasingly my role!!

Between the two week-ends, made trip to Bristol Dental Hospital for removal of dead tooth - although it clung on like it was designed to stay there for life! Still downing the paracetemol, and occasionally harder stuff, to deaden the ongoing ache of bones healing - but thankfully no infections despite decision to forego the standard prescription of antibiotics in the interest of bowel security.

Have obtained Doctor's note to release me from work commitments for the next two months until chemo is finished - and today we've booked a week in Austria for early August (good old Tesco points!) - a fly and coach deal that will give us daily trips to scenic heights - no walking envisaged! - just relaxation in beautiful scenery - we drove though the area last year in the minibus. So that catches you up - no deep thoughts this time, just deep thanks.

Shadow of the Almighty

The title of Jim Elliot's biography from which I have quoted in the right margin (and read at least 3 times in my teens), the words taken from Psalm 91 v 1.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty"
Mike McAllister read that Psalm to me shortly after I was first diagnosed with cancer, and it resonated in particular because of that opening verse.
During this past week of prayer, Sue Woolnough drew the same Psalm to my attention, but quoting it's final 3 verses in particular. The final verse reads
"With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation"
As I said to those gathered for prayer on Sunday evening, my attitude through all this time has been; 'Lord, I look back over a fulfilled and satisfying life, if you take me now, I have no regrets, no unfulfilled dreams'. But that verse has said something more to me - that God's idea of satisfaction is long life, and I should not downgrade my expectations.
And I guess that's how Elaine and I look back on last week. With a sense of the continued hand of God upon our lives, with personal touches that spoke of his intricate care and blessing. With thankfulness for friends who have drawn near to God's throne on our behalf. With a sense that this was a significant stepping stone on our journey.
Today was chemo round 8, my blood count apparently good, but I have begun to have numbness in my feet and legs over the past few days which is a chemo side effect. Also the tiredness extended right through to yesterday, bringing much closer the day when I say to Bristol City Council. "you'll have to do without my services until chemo finishes at the end of June." We enjoyed a day together in the Cotswolds last Friday, and Elaine has next week off, so we hope to get away for a few days, not least to visit Stephen in Worthing, to see his new flat, and meet the church which has become his true home. The large pituitary tumour with which he was diagnosed a year ago has shrunk significantly in response to weekly tablets, but the sight deterioration in one eye caused by the crushing of the optic nerve has yet to really reverse. Do pray for restoration there.
Our love to you.

Pushing through

Two stories have constrasted in my mind in recent weeks. Lying down exhausted brings to mind the four men who brought their paralysed friend to Jesus. He apparently helpless, lying on his mat, while they took off the roof-tiles in order to place their friend at Jesus' feet. They pushed through the roof, they pushed past the religious leaders gathered around Jesus, and Jesus "when he saw their faith" brought forgiveness and healing to their friend. (Luke 5)

Contrast the woman of Luke 8, again chronically ill for the past 12 years. She came to find Jesus, but found him surrounded by a crowd, and clearly on his way with a religious leader (Jairus) to a specific destination. But she pressed through despite it all to be at his feet, and touch the hem of his garment. Her reward, "Woman, your faith has made you well, go in peace."

These stories maybe summarise for me what this next week of prayer is about - it is about pushing through to Jesus' feet. Whether you do it for yourself, or a friend. It is about saying that I will not be held back by the obstacles of crowd (busyness) or roof-tiles (previous barriers), but I will push through in order to see life change. I do not know what that looks like (sorry Geraldine!!), but pray that as we make ourselves available to God, he will reveal his ways to us both individually and collectively.

Chemo 7 took place Wednesday, so coming week potentially one of tiredness. Toothache thankfully ceased, and jabs gradually dealing with the breathlessness. It's also "final accounts" week at work, but things currently on track. We'll probably start the week in Fleet helping to sort Elaine's Dad's affairs and effects. Our love and thanks again to all.

Faith comes by hearing.

I am conscious that in this blog I have maybe skirted the basics. But as the church approaches a week of prayer and fasting for me 20th to 26th April, I need to render your prayers intelligent. On Friday December 18th, the consultant told me that scans showed bowel cancer that had spread (metastasis) as secondaries to the liver. She offered 6 months chemotherapy, and the 'promise' of 1 to 3 years life beyond that in remission, prior to a couple of months terminal decline when the cancer returned. No certainties, no guarantees, except death.

I had wanted to give my twin brother the news that week-end, but conscious of his involvement in pre-christmas family get-togethers, agreed to ring him on the Monday. The Sunday evening, before my call, the church that often meets in their home were gathered for prayer and worship. One lady present, had the continuing urge throughout the evening from God "Tell them the story". But she argued, "it doesn't fit in with the theme of what every one else is saying - it would be out of place". And she kept silent. Ten days later when Ian told her my news, she told him the story that God had urged her to share that evening.

She had had a boyfriend in the past, but the relationship had split apart. She met him in the street some years later, and his health was very evidently in decline - he had the outward jaundiced symptoms of a man diagnosed with terminal cancer, and given months to live. She encouraged him to attend with her a church in Dorset which had seen God move in many miraculous healings. As a result, he was miraculously healed by God - the cancer disappeared from his body.

So my brother, what do you hear? My story of Monday morning, giving a consultant's view that brings despair. Or God's story of Sunday evening, that brings hope and faith. Often our prayer is the product of our hearts desire. And Jesus commended the prayer of a woman who knocked persistently for her needs until they were met. Maybe she did so knowing that a seed of faith had been planted in her heart, and she was going to water it until she saw the fruit.

Today's scan results showed that the cancer has retreated in response to the treatment, but flagged up some thrombosis on the lungs, which explains the breathlessness that I had felt this past week. Apparently a side effect of the cancer and/or the treatment - outcome daily injections of an anti-bloodclot drug - a permanent regime.

Much of this blog has been about the common place, the daily grist of life - and yes my tooth is still nagging. And we thank you for the prayers that have supported us through that. May God lead us as we face up to the bigger issues in this week of prayer and fasting.

Wot - no e-mail

Since 7th April, our e-mail account has become unconscious, possibly due to the parlous state of Tiscali's finances - we've paid them our bit!! - but they seem to be heading for receivership. So if you've had a bounce-back on "screaming.net", try us on davidmyerscough a.t rocketmail d.o.t c.o.m. (This in code to avoid spammer robots). Hopefully our old address will revive in due course.

Been fairly tired this week, not helped by tooth abcess, which has put me back on the same antibiotics that blew up my intestines a couple of months ago. Half dose this time, and so thankfully disturbance not so dramatic, with copious consumption of live yoghurt. I fear Elaine has found the abcess far more stressful than I - her empathy is too well informed.

Wonderful lines from a film ('Shall we Dance') we watched last night.

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness"'

I'm thankful for you, my 'cloud of witnesses' - pray for continued strength for Elaine, my key witness.

Why Albania?

A question on the lips of many (including ourselves) as they have watched our two daughters marry Albanians engaged in God's work in that country. The natural explanation, that Ruth went to work there for six weeks in summer 2001 on children's camps, and returned one year later to a full time role, that involved camp work in the summers, and marriage to Maki, the camp commandant late 2005. And Miriam naturally followed her sister's lead in helping at those camps from summer 2005, met Besmir the camp "fixer", and Maki's right hand man, and recognised God's partner for her, leading to their marriage late 2008.

Unknown to both of them, there was another dynamic at work.

In November 1999, shortly after we had linked up with Cairns Road Baptist Church, the death was announced one Sunday morning of a young American missionary working in Tirana, Albania. He and his wife, an Albanian, were known to the church, tho' not to me, nor did I at the time have much clue about Albania. But something resonated that morning as I sat on the back row, hearing such news. The very principle of scripture that out of death comes resurrection, whether the death of a corn of wheat in Christ's parable, or His own death that has brought life to millions. And so I stood and prayed out, reminding God of His principles, reminding God of His promises, and asking that in this American's place, Albanian young men would step our to work for God's kingdom in their own land. None of the rest of the family was there to hear the prayer, and while prayed passionately at the time, it did not linger in my own thinking.

About a year ago, as Elaine reflected with me on the issue of a second daughter marrying an Albanian, I admitted to her for the first time the strength that I had in this regard, knowing that I was seeing an unexpected answer to a prayer of nine years previous.

I shared the story with the two families on Miriam's wedding day last November, and with some of our church members shortly thereafter. I am conscious of the words spoken of Mary, who having seen a heavenly vision "treasured these things in her heart". So forgive me if you feel that in going public I am overstepping. But if we are to talk of the power of one smooth stone, we need to remind ourselves that the God of David has not changed, and still is ready to act on behalf of those who step out naming His name.

We are not called to kill Goliath every day. And David was later to demonstrate that "acting in his name" was also about the care of Mephibosheth, the disabled grandson of one who had been his enemy. So if God calls you to mercy today then act. And if calls you to fight, He is the same God. Just choose your weapons carefully.

Medical update - still below par after two days of (dog)-tiredness, but mind and spirit in good shape. Due for CT scan this afternoon , to see effect of chemo to date. Results due next week.

The authority of the believer

When asked at elders meeting last week for my current reflections, I could do no more than quote this title of a booklet that has been on my shelf for the last 40 years, as evidenced by its two shilling price tag. It is a seed thought that sits on the surface of my mind at present, with echoes of Genesis, where Adam is given authority over the earth (subdue it), and more specifically of Jesus' issue of authority to his disciples in realms of binding and loosing, healing, evil spirits, and his final command "all authority has been given to me, go ye therefore".
The source of authority is well taught by the Roman Centurion who recognised that to be in authority, one had to be under authority. And Christ himself reminded the Roman Governor, Pilate, that "you would have no authority over me unless it was given you from above."
Our present age shies away from authority, for the fairly obvious reason that they do not wish to be under it themselves. But such thinking should not be allowed to infiltrate us as church. I am not denying the place for concensus (the place of unity where God commands the blessing; Psalm 133), but let us not be ever seeking that place and failing to act with God given (and not concensus given) authority, that comes from true submission.
Mike's sermon last Sunday was a powerful statement from the story of David and Goliath of the power of one smooth stone in God's name, not a hail of stones, nor a fight fought with the weapons of others, not one side or argument ranged against another. This David faces his Goliath, but we all have our own to face. Whose armour are we trusting in? Have we faced the lion and the bear in the hidden place guarding our own sheep, to be able to stand in the public place when God so calls us? I've got a story about one smooth stone, but I'll give you space to think of your own first. Dave

Round 6

In answer to Elaine's daily prayer, white cell levels enabled round 6 to go ahead as planned. About 3 hours at hospital, preceded by about an hour at my "virtual office desk", and this evening an hour or so trying to get the 2006 church accounts printed off for the auditor, interspersed with Skype call with Ruth in Albania, and lying on the settee. We've been given the hospital appointments for the next six weeks, which gives us a better idea of shape than the two week horizon we've generally been working to.
Miriam and Besi flew back today - temperature in Durres reported as 23 degrees, but cloudy. We'd taken them to my brother in Reading yesterday, and they caught the train today from there to Gatwick. We trust their bulging cases got past the BA check-in - they're now very strict on not sharing allowances (ie every bag must be below 23kg, you can't borrow the 22kg of your wife to get 24kg allowed on yours - a real jobsworth's charter.) Although they have enjoyed their four weeks here, they'll be glad to settle back into normal life - whatever that is??! Our love D&E

Catch-up

I meet friends, and they tell me "Dave, you're leaving us in the lurch - it's too long since you last posted" - trouble is my approach to life has always been - if you've nothing to say keep quiet! But round 5 has been good, energy levels not as low as last time, and now I'm back at the end of week 2 and conscious of much that could fill today on top of the 5 or 6 hours I'll spend "in the office".
We ended week 1 in a 4* hotel in Berkshire, a birthday present for Elaine, and a refreshing 24 hour break for us both - lovely grounds where we walked for over an hour, and then the main lounge to ourselves, coffee and newspapers on the house!
Great to see some of you at Miriam and Besi's presentation last Sunday - a reminder of the blessing that comes from being body together, and not just leading isolated lives. Their task between now and Tuesday flight to cram in those last minute visits, to cram their overflowing suitcases, and to finish the shower - only joking Besi! - but you know that the tiling will be good practice for when you build your own house this summer!
Pete and Ruth joined us last week-end, and Stephen will be with us this week-end. A friend from church visited Maki and Ruth last week-end, and brought back photos of Amelia, growing in size, in smiles, and in likeness to her father. We thank God for them all, and for all of you. D & E

Back online

Day one of round 5, and hooked up once again to chemo. Just back from 4 hours hospital. Initial concern that my neotrophil count was too low for chemo(ie below 1) - measure of white blood cells ability to fight infection - apparently lowest in 2nd/3rd week after chemo - normal level 4 to 7, my levels 0.7 last Tuesday, 0.85 Friday, but did a fresh test today and back up to 3. So looks like the time I feel most fit at the end of the chemo cycle, is actually the time when most vulnerable to coughs colds etc.

Anyway, did feel fit during last week, and did 3 full days at work W-F. Meanwhile Besi was fitting out our upstairs shower - they're away for a few days now, but I'm under instruction to buy the tiles before he returns. Saturday we all had a sunny day in Somerset, Chew Valley, Cheddar Gorge, Wells and scrumpy farm. Besi has just planted 3,000 vines at home, and was interested to see if the process of apples to cider would work with Albanian apples. He preached at Cairns yesterday, and then they were off to Leicester. Next Sunday 17:30 at Cairns, tea cake will be served, and Mim and Bes will talk of their plans for the year ahead. All welcome.

Note that we are not going ahead with UK wedding celebrations - seemed a bit false four months after the event - but we have 120 home-grown half-pears in the freezer which the guests were going to get with red-wine sauce - maybe we'll have some next Sunday. Our love. Dave & Elaine

Holiday blessings

We look back with thanks for a wonderful holiday in Scotland. 7 of us (incl Pete & Ruth, Mim & Bes, and Stephen & Wii) drove last Sunday to Edinburgh, one night there with Mum, (which gave me time to set her up on Skype), then on with her to Aberfeldy to my brother's luxury cottage (sleeps 10-12 - see The Ruin). We arrived Monday tea-time, and Monday night the mild weather of the previous two weeks ended with the first of many snow showers. My younger brother joined us with his son for three days, bringing sledges which were put to good use on virgin snow at 1200 feet in the lee of Schiehallion. A wonderful drive to Rannoch Station (what I call the station at the end of the universe) - blue skies, no wind, snow covered moors and mountains, deer, melt-swollen rivers, 15 miles lakeside driving.....glory.
I'd wondered if by the Friday I may be fit enough to climb a Munro - the reality that 150 vertical metres behind the cottage the limit of my energies at very slow pace, but still glorious to have climbed up to the snowline viewing deer driven down to the same line by the snow.
Healthwise I'm aware that the tiredness is now affecting me well into week 2 of each cycle - this time there will be a week 3, since next chemo Monday week. But great that this week 3 will include quality time with Miriam and Besmir.
Really encouraged by various comments on this site, from friends old and new. I know some of you have tried to comment but failed - see right hand menu for a tip about this.

God's birthday present

Mim and Bes have just rung to say they got the visa - no explanations, just an official stamp in the passport. They booked their flights last night - coming in Saturday 28th, heading straight for Scotland, but will be in UK until March 31st, largely based in Bristol. Mim's facebook will gradually fill-in with detailed plans -their need at the moment just rest.
And the birthday present? Well today is my 46th Birthday, since as an eleven year old I turned my will to following God's direction for my life. I could take you to the spot on the pavement in Wick (KW1 5QW) where life changed forever, but online satellite images seem to consider Wick as not worthy of detailed inspection - can any good thing come out of Wick?.....
So thank you God, and thank you praying friends. Dave

The Most High rules in the affairs of men

Chemo at lunchtime today - in and out of hospital in 3 hours. Tiredness now creeping in, but wished to flag up that Besmir will hand in his documents at the British Embassy at 0900 tomorrow, Tuesday, and returns at 1500 for their verdict on the visa. Please pray that hardened hearts will be changed. Mim and Bes have sought to cover every angle, but when an Embassy insists that you provide evidence of National Insurance payments, and you have never made any, such evidence is hard to obtain. They have been made aware of my condition by my consultant, and they will also have before them this time round proof that Miriam has applied for a one year residency in Albania, the marriage certificate plus many photos from the wedding, letter from employer, letter from church, bank statements, 12 month flat lease, letters from UK citizens testifying as to the long term nature of the relationship etc, etc ad nauseam.

Please pray that justice will be done. Dave & Elaine

No news is.....................?

Good news.............or frustration??
From a medical perspective, the fact that I have not posted this past week is good news. Monday and Tuesday rather low key days at home, but last 3 days I have spent 8 hours each day at the office. And today and tomorrow, back with that sense of making best use of wellbeing before Monday's chemo.
But for those of you looking here to catch up on visa progress, frustration. Mim & Bes submitted e-mail last Monday requesting interview, and while they were reasonably expecting reply within 24 hours, are now being told that a 5 day delay is not unusual. Please pray for speedy conclusion - the plan is still to fly in on Thursday, with family holiday in Scotland commencing next Saturday. Dave

Wipeout

A fairly accurate description of yesterday, (Round 3, day 5) lying poleaxed on the settee, totally lacking in any mental or physical energy. Feeling a little better today - sitting rather than lying down. But having been born in Scotland of English parents, I'm not looking forward to this afternoon's six nations rugby - I feel wipeout once again imminent.

Update on the walk

I like to write when I feel inspired - today I write because I feel I owe you all one - may God fold back on you the blessing that you pray for me. Monday was a long hospital day - the blood test I'd given on Friday at the local surgery was still in transit in the snow somewhere, so fresh blood test at 12, meant results not back until 3, and left chemo around 6pm. Took a break early afternoon to pop home and do some e-mails, while Elaine caught up on shopping - the blessing of having treatment only 15 mins away. Tuesday was a pyjama day, but I made it to the sofa, and mindful of the encouragement of some of you out there, pecked two thousand words on the laptop. I'm not sure, Lesley, that it will ever get published, but it does reflect a passage that has been very meaningful to us this last month. Psalm 71 v17..18

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvellous deeds.
Even when I am old and grey, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.

God met me in my youth, but my story began well before that in preceding faithful and praying generations. I've been conscious over the past year, that while my children have seen the outworking of that story, I've never told them the detail of those building blocks that have made me who I am. Not so much knowing about God, but rather the knowing of God through daily walking together. So I'm 2,000 words in, but only age 8, because the foundations go back 3 generations.

Good to see Nick (see Feb 2nd posting) last night. He's flown back to New Zealand today, but confirmed that parts of the clean room were still in operation, and that the accounting structure I devised 20+ years ago was still serving the company well!! One hour at the hospital yesterday afternoon for chemo unhook, about four hours at the computer doing paid work, and two or three hours rest scattered through the day (did not have the energy to celebrate the 36 years since our courtship began on 11th Feb 1973 - our own Valentine's day). My body has taken about two hours this morning to get in gear, but I'm off for a late breakfast (0930), then get to the (virtual) office. May I and you walk hand in hand today with the one who came to live alongside us.

Twas the night before Chemo

As Ruth commented to her brother Stephen on Thursday - dad's back on form. By that she meant that I'd been out to spread grit on the icy junction outside, was drafting letters to the British Embassy in Tirana, and had written to the North Somerset PCT about the place of prayer in the treatment of those facing serious illness. And yes today I've felt better than any day for the last six months. Chemical warfare resumes tomorrow lunchtime, but we're thankful that it is bearing fruit.

Ruth and Amelia flew back to Albania this morning, Amelia having noticeably grown over these last three weeks - they'll appreciate the 21° C recorded in Durres last week, as well as the warmth of Maki's welcome! Now our prayer is for our next Albanian visitors - Miriam and Besi apply for a visa this coming week, with the hope of being here mid-month. Will post again when their appointment is due.

Joined with church friends tonight to pray about the path ahead. Included in that a prayer that in our regular meetings with patients and staff in the oncology unit, we might look beyond our own needs, and recognise where we can bring Christ's hope, comfort and peace to others.

If you're finding it a bit of a pain checking to see if this website has been updated, here's a technical tip for users of Internet Explorer 7. On your toolbar above you'll see an orange icon designed to give you notification of site updates.

See http://timeatlas.com/tutorials/ie7rss.htm for a video tutorial on how this (RSS) works. Also available for Firefox, Chrome and web-phones.

25th anniversary - and a story

Couldn't let today go by without acknowledging that 25 years ago today I entered the accounting profession. An elder in the church had linked my love of numbers (tho total lack of any accountancy experience), with the desire of a newly converted member of the church to bring Christian principles into his business practice. And so Nick and I began six years of working together, also brought to mind when Nick rang a couple of weeks ago from New Zealand having just heard our news, to share his care and prayer. Another example of those Body of Christ relationships that transcend time and geography. It's time I told you another "God story", so click on the comment below to read how God demonstrated His love in a major business decision.

90 mins at hospital this afternoon for routine "PICC line care". 90% would describe my physical health today.

Friday Feelings

Woke this morning feeling good,having spent yesterday at home with fragile guts. Showered, dressed and ready for work at which point my body went into rebellion. Sudden severe bouts of d and v -not a pleasant time. Thankfully feeling more normal by this afternoon but have continued to rest entertained by the efforts of Nadal and Verdasco .

Medical review

Our first monthly review today with the consultant. She sees my own feeling of improved health as an accurate sign that the chemo is being effective - ie in arresting the sub-division of existing cancer cells, and the non-replacement of those that are naturally dying after their brief energetic life-span. She has prescribed antibiotics for my lower arm which has swollen up over the last two days - the body reacting to the chemo-line higher up the arm. Have had a lazy/weary day today, following yesterday's more constructive day tackling the backlog in the home office. Both due back at work tomorrow. We do thank you for your prayers.

Can God.........?

Just wanted to thank those of you that prayed that days four and five would be a different experience this time round. I did not have your faith, but woke yesterday feeling remarkably healthy, and stayed vertical until about 4pm this afternoon when that Sunday afternoon feeling kicked in.

A great day

We thank God for a precious family day at Elaine's father's funeral. God's name was honoured, also the life and memory of one who followed him through 88 years. A story that was repeated at both the crematorium and later in the service of remembrance bears repeating here. Some 5 years ago, shortly after a new minister arrived at Fleet Baptist, Dad (for 30+ years a brethren elder, and also fairly new to Fleet Baptist) remarked on the practice of some to raise their hands in worship - "I'm glad to see it, but you won't be seeing me do it". To which the minister replied, "Well I think I will, most certainly in heaven, but maybe down here." Two years later, Dad was to be seen singing Amazing Grace, one hand raised, tears streaming down his face. The minister greeted him this time at the end, and Dad said - "it looks like you were right". Another friend, two years his junior would chide him from time to time - how come you only raise one hand? - the answer, he needed the other to support himself on the back of the seat in front. Guys, we are invited to spend eternity in the throne room of God - its never too late to get closer acquainted.

Seconds away, Round 2

This is a heavyweight contest, extending to 12 rounds of chemotherapy two weeks apart. Round 2 started today - about four hours in hospital - prep, blood test, glucose drip, two hours chemo drip (what a doctor friend describes as Toxin A), followed by hooking up to a bottle of toxin B which is placed in a bum bag so that I carry it with me over the following 48 hours. All administered via a PICC line, 1mm plastic tube inserted in the upper arm, and extending 46cm through the veins towards the heart. Put an interchangeable plug on the end, strap it on tight, and I'm permanently ready for action!! The use of the term 'therapy' a bit of a misnomer I fear - more like chemical warfare.

A happy day

I wrote this title, because today has genuinely been a happy day, spent together with Elaine and her sister, meeting with her late father's pastor. But you need to know that yesterday was a sad day for Elaine - she needs your prayers more than I at this present - she has borne this last month with great faith and peace, but the road is not smooth, the horizon uncertain, and the load at times heavy to bear. To mix the metaphors, she likens it to the snow poles on the Scottish moors. In summer they serve no purpose, but in winter they give the only clue as to solid ground. Her prayer, that she might remain between those poles just visible through the blizzard, while leaving to others for now to talk to the Laird about the route ahead.

The calm before the storm?

Two days until the next batch of chemo starts, and the pressure to accomplish at this period of relative health before the chemo toxins lay me low. So 7 hours spent at work today, knowing that the 2nd half of the week when I'm normally in the office will be interrupted by matters medical. Days 4 and 5 seemed to be the worst last time round, just spent lying on the couch, but got back to work by the middle of day 6. The medics have indicated that my experience during the first cycle is likely to repeat as each two week cycle kicks in - the fact that I only work half-time means I should be able to jig my hours to suit. Sent out our "Christmas letter" today, thankful for the strong friendships that time and distance cannot destroy - thankful too for our local friends who included us in their prayer focus last night at church.

Arrivals and Departure

Ruth, Maki and Amelia flew in last night, coming in via Milan, and then Easyjet to Bristol. Our first grandchild putting on the pounds since her birth here October 29th, and already a seasoned traveller. Maki's flight was pre-arranged to attend the Christian Camps International conference - Ruth and Amelia obtaining late discounted fares to make an encouragement stop, and be here for Elaine's father's funeral. His prayer these last three months - to be with Christ - answered a week ago today. Elaine has compassionate leave this coming week from her two days dentistry in Cardiff - the funeral will be on Friday. Peter and Ruth have also joined us for the weekend.

Where do I begin?

2008 was for Elaine and I a year of journeys - by minibus to Albania to visit Ruth & Maki, by train to Paris, by plane to Prague, and finally to Albania again by plane for the marriage of Miriam and Besmir. We returned from there early December with a sense of a blank canvas before us, wondering what God would wish to write there - where would our journey now take us, with all four children established on their own futures. We did not expect to have that journey laid out for us by three rapid-succession hospital visits, that resulted for David in a pre-Christmas diagnosis of bowel cancer that had also spread to the liver. The doctors would provide help on the journey, but had no control over the final destination.

We start to write these pages one month later, very conscious of a wide network of friends who would wish to pray intelligently, and the knowledge that keeping contact with such is just one of the extra 'bits of baggage' that could weigh us down. So we will try to express here from time to time facts, feelings, frustrations, but above all, faith. God has filled our lives to this day with His story, which he has personalised until the tears roll down our cheeks. No one reading these lines is unaware of King David's unequivocal boast - "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me, Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me". May God enable us to colour in what that looks like in the 21st century, and guide you in prayer and support. Dave