Views into the next valley

An eventful few days, but we got back from hospital last night, armed with a bag of drugs. One of which was dexamethosol, the wonder steroid that got me back from Albania a month ago. And when I awoke at midnight I could already feel its effects - similar to a caffeine rush, hence my waking dream of running a cross-country race through marshy ground - 24 hours previously could only have dreamt of lying on marshy ground and slowly sinking.

Humanly speaking, our news is as bad as it could be. The cancer has returned quite aggressively, has spread to an adrenal gland as well as enlarging in existing sites - hence my weariness over recent months. There is further treatment possible, but with significant side effects, and potential of septicaemia, and hence earlier death. We have left the decision until a further consultation in two weeks time - agreed Tuesday with consultant that my body in no fit state to take extra punishment at present. The debilitating effects of the pneumonia would last two more weeks in a healthy person. Her prognisis is six months maximum, but clearly she has no way of gauging how fast the cancer will progress.

But we want you to hear this in the same context that we did. The only bed space in the hospital on Friday night was in the new Bristol Heart Institute, despite me being in a medical patient category. Ward 53, large with four beds only, mine against the 20' plate glass window looking out onto autumn coloured embankment and trees. Oh the grace of God.

Sunday a.m. I heard my neighbour (82 yr old heart patient) humming the baseline to the Remembrance Day hymns. I enquired of him if he had been part of a church choir, but he was not to be drawn. Later spotted a leather bound, yapp edged, gold leaf book by his bedside. Monday he was reading it, and I enquired if he was reading the "Good Book". Yes, he said, did I know it? I told him I'd read it cover to cover, something he could not claim, though he probably had, just not consecutively. Told me he was reading from the first book of Dr Luke (AV - did not get on with these modern versions). His visitor that day, clad in headscarf, pointed to 'exclusive brethren' beliefs - but one of His saints.

Monday night, some time after my sleeping pill had knocked me out a new (heart)patient took the other window bed opposite. Tuesday am we got chatting, and quickly established that he lived close to my place of work, and knew one of the ladies in my office since thay both attended the same church. Later that day, the new patient left to go home - he'd been moved up for the night from a ward two floors below. Another of the saints that surround us day by day.

(E-mail me on for more details of our conversations, or any other chat.)

So our sense of being in God's hands continues. Miriam is flying home this week-end for two weeks stay. It'll be good to be able to greet her upright loaded with steroids!!, rather than the horizontal view I presented when we visited her last month.